you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fill condoms, not promises.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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