Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
