she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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