Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
