So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
