I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
