you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
