Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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