I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
