I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
