I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
