Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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