not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
