I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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