I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
