So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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