Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
a search helicopter?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
