Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am one with the molecules
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
