Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
