if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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