I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
