One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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