I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
