Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
