i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I look better un-naked...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
