I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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