I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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