Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
