Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
