My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Help me help you realize you are a moron
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
