My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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