I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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