I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he fucked my hip out of place.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
