remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dick very happy bro
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
