i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
