so explain again why im purple
no
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
