His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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