It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize