based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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