New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize