If that was your dad, he is hot
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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