i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
