2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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