We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
