I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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