Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
