I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This baby is an asshole
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
