ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
