I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I am morally bankrupt
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
