so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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