he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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