help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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