I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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