When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
