theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
