Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dicks are not precious.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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