The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
