I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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