Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
