My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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