i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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